My Final Memoir

Curiosity is implanted in us when we are first born, and as we age, it only grows bigger and bigger. My curiosity lead me to one of the most remarkable adventures of my life and in that moment, it brought light to questions about myself that I had always struggled to answer.

Growing up, I was surrounded by people who beamed happiness. Whether they had the best of the best, or were making the best of bad situations, everyone around me seemed to find an inner joy that they couldn’t shake. When they did have bad days, it seemed as if they would bounce back the very next day and come back better than ever. Consistently being surrounded by this behavior, I would have thought that the joy from others would soon rub off on me, but it never did. My bad days came in packs, making themselves comfortable for long visits. I’ve never been one to openly discuss my feelings, so sometimes it felt as if my own misery with myself was a form of company. Being alone for a majority of my younger years made it seemingly easy to openly welcome any form of company I could receive, even if that meant opening the door to sorrow.

As odd as it may sound, I found comfort in sadness. But after a certain point in my life, I had grown tired of never being excited for anything anymore, never looking forward to something that was supposed to be fun. I knew someday that I would eventually feel happy again, I just wondered when that time would finally come. It wasn’t until the Spring of 2013 that my unanswered questions would come to light.

On April 12, 2013 I took the trip of a lifetime. I packed my bags and headed to the Logan airport in Boston where I would later arrive at my first destination, Dublin, Ireland. Before I could experience the beauty of Ireland, I had to endure the torture of a three hour layover in Chicago. The three hour layover and thirteen hour flight only left me with my own thoughts and ideas of what Europe would possibly be like. When I had arrived, all of my expectations had been blown out of the water. Never in my life did I think I would be first hand experiencing a new country. With the lack of money in my family I thought I would have been lucky to even see the west coast by the time I turned eighteen.

When I touched down, I spent some time in Ireland, Wales, and London. Never in my life have I seen such beauty. I was exposed to a fresh and exciting environment and I was surrounded by people who had a natural glow about them, and for the first time in a long time, I had one too. All of the negative thoughts and emotions that seemed to consume me had finally felt as if they were loosening their grip and allowing me to breathe. Europe had such character and finesse to it, nothing I was ever accustomed to. The aura of these countries made it damn near impossible to feel anything besides joy and it absolutely mesmerized me.

As much as I had wished my time in London, Wales, and especially Ireland would never end, my most anticipated stop had finally arrived, Paris! Although Paris turned out to be one of my least favorite explorations, I had discovered the answer to one of my greatest questions there. I had to travel to the top of the Eiffel Tower to finally understand. But before I could reach the top, I had to climb one thousand steps just to make it halfway up. When I made it halfway, I looked at the world around me and absorbed everything. I could see so much beauty just from my trip halfway up, I could only imagine what was to be seen when I made my trip to the very top. When I reached the top, everything I had envisioned had seemed to fade away. I was looking at the world for what is was and I had never felt so happy or fortunate to have been in that moment. At that moment, I realized the answer to my question. In that moment I had realized what it felt like to be genuinely happy with yourself and your life. For such a long time I wondered why we keep going when we reach certain points in our lives where we believe there is nothing left to live for, but I finally understood. I realized that there is so much more to discover and learn, so much more to experience. I could have given up halfway up the Eiffel Tower when I had thought I had seen enough, but there was so much that I would have lost out on. From that moment on, I had a more positive outlook about myself and my life. I made a promise to myself that I would never allow myself to reach such a low point in my life ever again, because there is so much I have yet to experience and there is so much more in store.

I am not going to say that my trip completely changed me, because it didn’t. I do still have bad days every now and then, but I never allow them to overpower me like they once did. I have seen myself at one of the lowest points in my life and now I can only look back on it with fondness and appreciation. I realized that sometimes you need to experience the bad in order to realize just how good you have it. My trip is something I will always take with me, because it not only holds the most beautiful of all memories, but it also carries some of my greatest discoveries.

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